March 20, 2014

The Family - Husbands and Fathers

By Tony V. Hammack

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It has been widely accepted for generations that the family is the basic building block of society. It’s also been understood that to destroy a society, all one has to do, is destroy the family.

The Basic Unit of Society

The family, centered on marriage, is the basic unit of society. Healthy marriages and families are the foundation of thriving communities. When marriages break down, communities suffer and the role of government tends to expand. Sound public policy places marriage and the family at the center, respecting and guarding the role of this permanent institution. 

The family is under attack from many different places. Let’s take a look at one that came out in the media this week. Here’s a video by Melissa Harris Perry talking about the states responsibility to own your children.

Based on these facts I’d say Melissa’s ideology is getting in the way of the truth. More spending is clearly not the solution. If it were, it would be obvious that our nation would be the best in every academic category. There must be another solution.

I believe the solution to our social and educational woes is found in our Churches and homes. Strong, Biblically based families, centered on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will raise a generation of strong, safe, and secure young people who have extra financial and emotional support serving as an effective spring board into successful young adulthood.


There is an erroneous idea out there that men and women are capable of doing the exact same things in the exact same way. Any sensible person knows that men are better at some things than women in general and women are better than men at some things in general.

A big key to success in life and in family is to find what roles we play, specialization of labor if you will, and get into those roles where we can bring the best good to our families. Sometimes we have to develop into these roles over time. The Bible lays out a basic framework for the relationship between husbands/dads, wives/moms and children.

I realize that not everyone may “agree” with God but I’d encourage you to re-consider your stance. Whenever I’ve tried to do things apart from God’s ways, I’ve been met with problems.

The Role of the Husband and Father

Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Godly husband has to sacrificially love his wife in the same way Christ loved the Church. Giving himself up for her. This love is a “no strings attached” kind of love and is really only possible if the husband is connected to the Love of his heavenly father.

The husbands relationship to God is where the source of love has to begin from. Most men I know are intrinsically lustful. They want what they want but God has called Christian men to love unconditionally. This is impossible without God being actively involved in the life of the husband.

I heard a marriage counselor say one time at a conference that, “Most marriages are like two ticks and no dog!”

Washing with water through the word

Husbands, I challenge you to talk about the Bible and the prophetic insights you may have with your wives. Share and teach what God’s been dealing with you about.

Most women really want to be led by a spiritually strong husband. They don’t want to be the “spiritual head” but sometimes when we abdicate our role the women take up the sword.

This sacrificial love clothed in kindness will have a powerful effect on your wife’s personality. She, eventually should respond to this kind of treatment, reciprocating love back to the husband.

Self Image

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Men, a good self image rooted in God’s opinion of you, will go a long way to help you love yourself and thus your wife.

Ephesians 5:28
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

The Leave and Cleave principle

A well intentioned mother-in-law or father-in-law can really botch up a marriage. Parents, give your newly married children some space. Your wisdom is indispensable but if it’s pushed and not asked for it can be a curse. It’s wise to start your own life together without certain interferences. It’s comical on “Everybody Loves Raymond” but I don’t think most people would want that kind of life.

Colossians 3:19
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Harsh- unduly exacting : severe Exacting – A Constant making of demands

Severe - maintaining a scrupulously exacting standard of behavior or self-discipline

Colossians 3:21
21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

I think men, we can push our children too hard sometimes and it will have to opposite effect we desire. Learn how to motivate each child in your family. Also realize that sometimes we want to live precariously through our children. I believe this puts too much pressure on our children as well.

If you really think about it, were you that great at, say, baseball? Well if you weren’t then consider that before you take your son’s strike out so personally. He’s stuck with your crummy baseball genetics and probably won’t be that great either. Help your children find what they are most gifted at and enjoy. Help them find their highest way to serve God and their fellow man.

I’m for encouraging children to achieve their dreams. If their dreams are grandiose then good. Go for it. Always consider a “back up plan”, however. For example. Little Jimmy want’s to be a pro ball player. You say, “that’s great Jimmy, what do you think you’d like to do when you retire from professional athletics?”

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 

Husbands, we’re called to be considerate and respectful toward our wives. In general, women are weaker in physical ways. In some ways women seem weaker emotionally but I also see this as a strength. It brings a different perspective to men's lives that has a lot of potential to enrich us. Women’s emotions can be like the canary in the coal mine. They are more sensitive to where things are going. We should listen.

Being inconsiderate and disrespecting your wife can hinder your prayers. Because it’s sin.

Psalm 66:18
If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;


Husbands- Love your wives sacrificially, be patient, considerate and respectful to them. Don’t push your children too hard but learn what motivates them keeping their best good in mind.

Visit with us at Jubilee Family Church this Sunday at 10:15 AM (Central Standard Time U.S.A.) and Wednesday evening at 6:30 PM (Central Standard Time U.S.A.) If you can't be with us in person please visit via internet video on Jubilee T.V. If you live in Batesville please tune into KBAP 88.1 FM to listen to contemporary worship music.
Jubilee Family Church45 Thunderbird Dr. Batesville, AR 72501
(870) 793-9124
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